HUG

I can’t make past wrongs disappear, but I can take actions that will help me to let them go. When I make amends, I do what I can to correct the situation. Then I an put the past in its rightful place and leave it there.

My time is too precious to waste living in the future or worrying about something over which I have no power. I am building a wonderful life for myself today.

Today, if I hear myself thinking that I am not good enough or that I need something outside myself to make me whole, I’ll know that I am listening to illusions. Today I can call an Al-Anon friend and come back to reality.

Higher Power, give me the willingness and the ability to pause the mental chatter, quiet myself, and seek your guidance and your will.

Today I will live in the present and find what I can to enjoy there. If there is pain, I will accept that too. But my pain does not have to completely overshadow the enjoyable parts of my reality.

I deserve to live a happy, dignified life, no matter what disease others close to me are suffering from.

I came to understand how important it is that I believe in myself, to trust my feelings and judgments, to recognize my abilities, and most of all, to make my own decisions. I learned that I can only do my best to live the way God wants me to live, one day at a time, and then let him help me with the rest.

A new beauty, a new life, will spring out of everything that happens if I keep practicing the twelve steps and learn to live joyfully, acceptingly, one day at a time.

When I’m trying too hard to change things, when I forget to let go — when I demand too much, too soon, of myself and others, I’ll ask God to remind me that “Easy Does It”.

I am learning how to have saner and more loving relatiionships. Today I will offer support for those I love and still take care of myself. Benjamin Franklin said: “If you would be loved, love, and be loveable.”

I no longer have to wait for anyone else. As I continue to become healthier working my recovery program, I bring that healthier “me” to every “we” I am part of. Let recovery begin with me.

My disease is one of obsessive thinking, but clearly, I can’t “obsess away” the rain. It will stop eventually. In the meantime, I have choices. I can stay indoors and curl up in a warm blanket. I can sit on the porch and hear and watch the rain as I remain dry.

With a decreased sense of always having to do something useful to justify my existence, I now allow recreation, enthusiasm, and delight into my life.

Today relaxing with my imperfection and enjoying my own business are enough for me. For this I am grateful.

The time has come for me to realize that my attitude toward the life I am living, and the people in it, can have a tangible, measurable effect on what happens to me day by day.

Humility frees me from outside pressures and allows me to learn at any time from anyone or any experience.

Before Al-Anon I was a carrier of this disease. Living the Al-Anon program immunizes me from its effects and helps prevent me from spreading the devastation.

Doesn’t letting your higher power run your life make more sense than letting somebody else’s illness run it?

Because I am able to use whatever I find helpful and leave the rest, I can benefit from the experience, strength, and hope of others and still follow my own heart.

Even when I feel ashamed, someone in the fellowship can help me see my situation in a different light.  With their help, if I’m willing to permit it, the truth will set me free.

We are not exempt from suffering.  Whatever loss we may be grieving, with Al-Anon we don’t have to face it alone.  We can take comfort in knowing that our grief means we’re truly dealing with our loss and not denying it.

I pray that I may learn it is not my function to direct or control another person, however close to me.  I will also cease to be a crutch.  I can live nobody’s life but my own.

I am learning to overcome my natural tendency to react to what other people say or do.  For when I react, I put control of my peace of mind in their hands. I am glad to know that serenity is under my control and I don’t have to relinquish it for trivial occurrences.

In Al-Anon we discover that we do indeed have the right to think for ourselves, and make appropriate decisions for our lives.  We also learn that we can share the decision-making process with others when appropriate.

Today I will stop from time to time to see how I feel.  Perhaps the day will bring joy or perhaps sadness, but either will remind me that I am very much alive.

“Progress, Not Perfection” reminds us that our recovery is not an event, but a process.  All that’s required of us is to do the best we can today, even if that means just getting ourselves to a meeting or reading a page from our literature.

I will carefully guard my own mental sobriety.  This gift from my higher power will express itself in a quiet, reasonable attitude, regardless of what happens.  I pray that I may not fall into the error of anticipating trouble.  If it should come, let me meet it with equanimity and love.

I need not judge the rate at which I change old habits or ways of thinking.  If I am uncomfortable with old behavior, then on some level I am already moving toward changing it.

I can live my life only one day at a time.  Perhaps my confusion and despair are to great that I will have to take it one hour at a time, or one minute at a time, reminding myself constantly that I have authority over no life by my own.

Today I will share honestly about something that has been nagging at me.  My life deserves my attention.

Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our lives.

For me, recovery…means seeking the gift inside the challenge. I can look at my part in being frustrated. Is it reasonable to expect people outside of this fellowship to see the value in staying in their lane? What about their actions? (If you spot it, you got it.)

It’s time to stop waiting for others to take care of me.  The only person who can love me the way I want to be loved is me.

“One day at a time” reminds me to stay present and let go of the future’s unknowns. “Let go and let God” gives me permission to surrender control.  “Keep it simple” brings me back to the basics when life feels overwhelming.  “Easy does it” reminds me that progress is the goal, not perfection.

All of us are faced with challenges in life — bereavement, disappointment, poverty, to name a few.  Recovery doesn’t protect us from life.  It enables us to live more fully and deal with life’s problems as they arise.

Today I realize that the fear that used to have total power over me is receding.  As I chisel away at fear with insights from Al-Anon, the part of me that was repeatedly abused as a child feels safer and I have power over it.

Today I’m going to pay close attention to what I tell myself.  If necessary, I’ll stop in mid-thought, start over, and replace negative illusions with positive truths.

Trying to analyze why another person persists in destructive behavior cannot help me out of my own difficulties.  I can overcome them only by turning my thoughts inward, to face my own mistakes and to learn how to improve myself.

Even if we decide that the situation is important, we can ask ourselves whether it is important today.  Are we living in the unknown future, worrying about things that may never come to pass?  Today is all we have.

How happy and useful I could be if I weren’t carrying around such a load of unpleasant emotional turmoil.  No one asks me to, so why do I?

I do not know what course of action is right for anyone else.  I can offer only comfort and compassion, and the good example of the life I am trying to build.

Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new end.

Today I can honor my decisions without being defensive because I respect my right to make the best decisions I can.  Even when others are not happy with those decisions, I can behave in a way that feels good for me.

The feelings of release, of yielding or letting go, when we acknowledged that no change in others can be forced, helped to loosen the suffocating grip of our destructive emotions: guilt, fear, self-pity, resentment.

“First things first” encourages us to take a moment to set priorities.  Before we react, we can ask ourselves what is of primary importance right now.  When planning our morning, we can consider which of our more quiet needs might deserve attention.

I have found this strange phenomenon in recovery — the more I take care of myself, the better others are able to care for themselves.  And quite frankly, I worry less about what they’re doing or not doing when the focus is on myself, where it truly belongs.

Fear is finally something I can acknowledge and deal with directly.  It is not the controlling factor in my life.  I refuse to let it be that way anymore.  Al-Anon has shown me another way of living, and I like it.

We may think we can change the things around us according to our desires, but when a solution does come, we find it was our desires that had changed.

I believe that all these blessings, and many more, are the result of putting first things first — myself and this program — and leaving room for God to work his miracles.

The unconditional love I receive in Al-Anon helps me to rediscover what love is.  As I learn that I am consistently lovable regardless of my strengths or limitations, I begin to see something consistently lovable in others, even those who suffer from an unlovable disease.

My family will recover or they won’t, but I like the new me, and I’ll never go back to the overly responsible sad sack I used to be.

In time, we learn that if we are feeling paralyzed and overwhelmed, we may be complicating matters or taking on more than we can handle for this moment or this day, and that we may have better luck by simplifying what we are trying to accomplish.  We can relax and try to be more gentle with ourselves, trusting that by putting one foot in front of the other, we will eventually get where we are going.

First things first — you are the most important person in your life.  If you’ll put yourself and this program first, the things you’re worrying about will be taken care of.

A quiet, composed response to an enraged attack can “take the wind out of the sails” of the attacker like so much magic.  What can I possibly lose by trying it?  At least it will add to my own dignity and stature to say nothing I will later regret.

Just for tonight, I will not attempt to rectify today’s mistakes or solve tomorrow’s problems.  I will remind myself that I am better able to receive guidance when my mind and body are rested and refreshed.

What I practice every day matters more than what I *might* practice someday.  Every day I work my recovery is its own celebration.

My higher power is the joy that is sometimes within me when I know that I am glad to be alive and can appreciate what is beautiful.  It is that sense of peace that comes to me when I take time to have a quiet time and relax and be at peace with the world.

Today I’ll be keenly aware of my senses.  I will think about what I am experiencing at this moment.  I won’t let the beauty of this day slip by unnoticed.

Today is all the time I have.  Nobody can keep me from using it well.  If I make this a good day, tomorrow can be even better.

Admitting my powerlessness over someone else’s disease allows me to use my energies to change what I can — my own life.  Realizing I can be my own person again is a powerful gift — one I am receiving in Al-Anon.

I only knew that if there was a God, He didn’t care about me and wouldn’t help me.  He never had before.  In meetings, I met friends who suggested I act as if I believed, just to see what would happen.  I did, and it was the beginning of my trust in a power greater than myself.

I am not powerless over myself, and the way I act and react.  This is, in itself, a power that can work miracles in changing the attitudes of others.

Alcoholism is a progressive disease that can be arrested but not cured.  Therefore, we who are affected by another’s alcoholism can best ensure our own continuing serenity if we learn to depend on ourselves for our well-being, rather than on another person’s sobriety.

Stumbling ahead even one awkward step is better than staying stuck.  By taking small steps, we can lessen our fears.  We learn that no situation is truly hopeless, that we are not actually helpless, and that no pain is too great to be lessened.

By detaching ourselves from the alcoholic’s problems and concentrating on restoring ourselves to serenity, we encourage the alcoholic to seek and keep sobriety.

Now, I see that I used the only coping mechanisms I knew.  I have forgiven myself for causing myself all those years of pain.  I know that I did the best I could under the circumstances, but even better, I know that I will never have to live that way again.

Remember, we are only asked to take an inventory, not to do anything about what we learn.  If we trust in our Higher Power and the guidance of our sponsor, these issues will be dealt with in a loving way as we continue to work the Al-Anon program of recovery.

We have a right to expect more from life than mere survival.  We are here because we are ready to heal.  We are ready to look at ourselves and our lives with new eyes.  We are ready to become aware.

I can acquire the knack of searching out the good, and concentrating on it.

The most important thing I’ve learned in Al-Anon … is that my well-being cannot depend upon whether or not the alcoholic drinks.  His behavior is not a reflection of me, it’s a reflection of his disease.

Today, my image of growth is a rose.  It begins with a tight bud.  Gradually, a tinge of color becomes visible, then petals slowly appear.  And as the sun shines upon it, the rose unfurls more petals, and its color deepens until it reaches its full magnificence.  This is my journey now, to sit in my higher power’s warmth and grow my talents.

I am grateful for what Al-Anon is doing for me.  I am relieved to know that I can have a better picture of myself than I came in with, and that I must respect and like myself as a person before I can begin to grow.

In Al-Anon I’m learning I don’t have to pick up anyone else’s emotional burdens. All I am responsible for — in any situation — is my own part.

Attending to my own business will keep me from becoming a slave to a situation; that is why I will not get myself involved too deeply.  This will set me free to work on my own salvation.

Just for tonight, I will be grateful.  I will give thanks for the past day — its failures as well as its successes, its sadness as well as its joy and its pain as well as its pleasure.  I will take comfort in knowing that every event and circumstance that occurred today can be used for my good and the good of others.

If I am overwhelmed, I may be trying to do too much.  Today I will try to “keep it simple.”  “The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak.”  (Hans Hofmann)

Even the present isn’t a snapshot but a video, with the scene constantly changing.  I neither hold the camera nor direct the action.  When I accept what is, and act with love and kindness as my guide, there is nothing for me to “manage” except myself.

Each day is an opportunity to build a supply of positive spiritual experiences.  Today I will take note of what happens when I trust my higher power.  “By far the best proof is experience.”  — Francis Bacon

“Abundant thinking: With my higher power’s guidance I am enough, I have enough, and I do enough.”

I will concentrate on the things that are my concern — and make sure which really are mine. (…) “When you are offended at anyone’s fault, turn to yourself and study your own failings.  By attending to them, you will forget your anger and learn to live wisely.”  (Marcus Aurelius)

Today I will recognize that worries can be potent and mind-altering.  I choose not to indulge in them at all.  “I am not afraid of storms for I am learning how to sail my ship.” (Louisa May Alcott)

It’s as if we were holding one end of a rope and an alcoholic grabbed the other end and started to tug.  Most of us would react automatically.  We would tug back.  It never occurs to us that we don’t have to play.

I will not let fear of disappointment prevent me from enjoying this day. I have a great capacity for happiness.  I want to grow in my willingness to make room in my life for good times, having faith in their arrival and patience in my anticipation.

Instead of questioning why things happened as they did, I was able to accept them as part of my destiny, as an opportunity for growth offered by my higher power.

Just for today I will be happy. This assumes to be true what Abraham Lincoln said, that “Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

Just for today, I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle all my problems at once. I can do something for 12 hours that would appall me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

Recovery is a process of learning to know ourselves.  As a process, it is never completed, and change continues to occur.  It’s part of being fully alive.

Concept One affirms that as individuals we are responsible for our own lives.  We cannot expect others to take on our responsibilities; nor should we assume the responsibilities of others.

Whenever I want to take control of a situation that isn’t mine, let me remember that I don’t have to do anything to make the sun shine on me, I just have to receive it.

I don’t need to understand the power greater than myself, only to trust it.

Today I recognize that delegation is a spiritual principle — in the most basic sense of the word “spirit”, that of “breath”. When I fully understand and appreciate delegation, it helps me to breathe better. I relax. I find peace.

If I am being hard on myself, I can stop and remember that I deserve gentleness and understanding from myself. Being human is not a character defect! Today I will be gentle with my humanness.

Trees don’t sit around and worry about forest fires.  The water in the pond doesn’t fret over turbulence it encountered a few miles upstream.  And I have never seen a butterfly pry into the affairs of its fellows.  All of creation is going about the business of living.  If I keep my eyes open, I can learn to do the same.

I will carefully guard my own mental sobriety.  This gift from my higher power will express itself in a quiet, reasonable attitude, regardless of what happens.  “I pray that I may not fall into the error of anticipating trouble.  If it should come, let me meet it with equanimity and love.”

Like a river, life moves on whether I agree to it or not.  I can choose to ride the river as it flows.  I can paddle upstream.  I can float downstream.  I am not in charge of the river, but I do have choices.  I feel more peace, joy, and relaxation today.

Worrying about it, trying to manipulate it, anticipating it — all these activities simply remove us from this moment.  We can’t change the future, but by making the most of this day, we prepare ourselves to be able to handle whatever comes tomorrow.

The Al-Anon members loved me when I was unable to love or accept myself.  Their hugs were so important.  I felt safe.  I was not judged as either good or bad.  All that seemed to be required was my presence.  It was fortunate that nothing more was asked of me, for I had absolutely nothing to give at the time.

Anything and everything about me can be used for my good.  If I feel insecure or frightened today, I will remember that my fear is a signal that there is something for me to learn.

I have learned to accept reality and to adapt myself to it, to get rid of resentments, to live alone, and to enjoy everything I have, which I think is enough, because I have my life. I am fulfilled.  I am the owner of my time, my space, and myself.

I will not chain myself to the past with self-defeating guilt, or by inflating the importance of my errors.  Instead, I want to face my past and heal old wounds so that I may move forward into a richer, fuller, and more joyous life today.

When I trust others to complete the tasks they willingly take on, I witness more unity, love, and serenity in myself, as well as in those around me.

We are imprisoned by our own inability or unwillingness to reach out for help to a power greater than ourselves.  I will set myself free from the prison of self-will and pride which I myself have built.  I will accept freedom.

When I speak up for myself, I am participating more fully in my life.

I do not have to accept the continuous misery that goes with alcoholism.  I will not surrender to the vagaries and machinations of the alcoholic.  No one can distort my thinking unless I permit it.

Regardless of what they choose to do about it, by minding our own business and getting out of the way, we allow others to be themselves.  Meanwhile, we free ourselves from all  kinds of burdens that were never ours to carry.  Thus, we too have the opportunity to face ourselves.

When I am tempted or pressured into irrational behavior, I pray that I may stop and think before I do or say anything whatever.  I ask God to remove these impulses and help me to grow into the person I want to be.

When I feel empty inside, I can look to myself to see what’s out of balance.  I can start with the willingness to reach out to an intangible source to fill and intangible need.

“One Day at a Time” can help us through these difficult days.  We get ahead of ourselves when we worry about how we will get through tomorrow or next week.  We can’t know what tomorrow will bring.  What a relief it is to know we only have to deal with today.

Today I can take an active role in fulfilling my needs.  I can choose to become someone I would want to have in my life.

I learn in Al-Anon to be good to myself.  Am I not ill when I allow anger to destroy my poise and peace of mind?  When I lose control, am I not handing over control to the one I am treating like an adversary?

Let me accept all the rich comfort available to me in this way of life, for I know it can help me in all life’s trials.

I will make this day a happy one, for I alone can determine what kind of a day it will be.

When we feel we have run out of options and nothing is going the way we expected, when we don’t know what to do or can’t figure out what there is to do, we can “let go and let God”

No matter how long I’ve been in the program, I can still go back to square one when I react to the disease of alcoholism. Today, I am learning to detach with the tools of the Al-Anon program.

If I’m missing something in a relationship, or even from my day in general, it will no longer be missing if I provide it. Today, I can “Let it begin with me.”

The skills I learned as a child served a purpose then, but as an adult, I need to reevaluate them and create new ones that serve me now.

If my old beliefs no longer work for me, I can take a leap of faith and find out what does.

“…Love thy neighbor as thyself” tells me I must first make peace with myself before I can learn to love others.  I must remind myself constantly that I can never know any other person’s motives and conditioning; I must, for my own sake, accept them as they are.  A large ingredient of that acceptance is loving tolerance.”

Learning again what I enjoy helps me keep the focus on myself. I no longer need to obsess over others. I have plenty to keep me busy on my own.

When I’m willing to look within myself to see what I’m ready to let go of, I can begin to find peace.

Sometimes it’s up to me to communicate and resolve an important issue. Today I can stay calm, breathe, and pray for the words.

Through Al-Anon I am learning to apply a compassionate attitude to myself today. I can ask my higher power to help me be kinder to myself — one day, one hour at a time.

The first thing I need to do for myself — or for anyone else — is to breathe air into my own lungs. Today, I will keep the focus on myself.

When I treat myself with loving concern, I begin to see that I am deserving of love and respect.

When I let go and trust a higher power to guide me, I may enjoy the journey a whole lot more.

In Al-Anon, I’m learning that I don’t have to be perfect to be of service. A higher power can make use of my weaknesses as well as my strengths.

My Al-Anon family is helping me see that my life can be great, as long as I bring sunshine with me.

When I feel trapped between extremes, let me remember that I have many choices.

In Al-Anon, I am learning to respect myself for who I am, and accept others as they are.

Turning my will and my life over to the care of a higher power helps me assess my assets and liabilities with love and forgiveness, instead of criticism and condemnation. This is what it means to love myself.

It takes a firm commitment to make our own well-being a priority. In the past, some of us neglected to care for ourselves because we were waiting for someone else to take care of us. And some of us were so concerned with another person’s well-being that we failed to attend to our own.

We might consider what we can do to improve and maintain good health. Our physical bodies require rest, exercise, a nutritious diet, and appropriate medical care, and all of these are areas that merit conscientious planning. Something as simple as a daily walk can make a tremendous difference in the way we feel.

We don’t forgive the actions another person has chosen, because it was never our job to judge the person for those actions in the first place. Instead, we forgive when we acknowledge our common humanity with everyone, even the person we feel the most entitled to condemn. In this spirit, we can even forgive ourselves, no matter what we’ve done or how guilty or shame-filled we may feel. We, too, deserve love.

By seeking only the knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out (Step 11), we make great strides toward developing an unshakeable inner peace and a sense of security that cannot be threatened by mere circumstances. This is what some of us mean when we speak of serenity.

I won’t let old, limiting ideas and doubts go unchallenged. I may discover strengths and talents that never had the chance to come to light. Today, by letting go of obsolete ideas, I have and opportunity to learn something wonderful about myself.

If my plans hit a snag today, I will step back for a moment and take a calm look at the situation before moving ahead.